This Wasn't In the Job Description
by DreamingAngelWolf
Summary: An American hero and a world-class archer should, between them, be able to take care of a baby, right? Right... (Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton, Luke Cage/Jessica Jones, fluffy cuteness, super spies being a bit clueless.)


**AN: **This is just a little something in response to a prompt I got. I chose not to put it in 'Gently' for a couple of reasons - mainly because it became a little too long... Anyway, it's super-cute, and writing Bucky and Clint like this was kinda fun, hence I'm still up at 5:30am writing/posting it (as a result, it's not been re-read, and because I'm getting tired and just want to post it already I cba). Still working on 'When Winter Strikes' - mahoosive case of writer's block DX - and any prompts for 'Gently' would be much appreciated! :D

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This Wasn't In the Job Description

Bucky Barnes had done many things in his lifetime, and acquired as many – if not more – skills than most. He could break into most buildings, regardless of their security level; he could steal things from behind people's backs; he'd faced aliens and fought alongside gods; watched his best friend die and come back to life; and had been taught by one of the most deadly organisations of its time to be prepared for anything. This, however, he was not prepared for.

Luke and Jessica had handed Danielle over to him five minutes ago. All Bucky had done with the baby since then was put her down on the coffee table and sit opposite her on the couch, watching and waiting. He didn't know what he was waiting for, exactly – maybe for the little girl to start crying? To babble something? Make grabby motions at the fridge? Was that how babies told you they wanted food? Christ, what if she was hungry now, and he was letting her starve?

Swallowing nervously, Bucky ducked his head to try and catch her eye. How did one ask a baby if they wanted lunch? "Food?" he tried. Dani stared at him. "Yum yum?" She blinked. "Uh…"

The sound of the door opening attracted both of their attention. "Hey," Clint said, slinging his quiver off his shoulder. "Can we get Chinese tonight? I'm really not –" Seeing the small body on the table, the archer stopped in his tracks, turning a questioning glance at Bucky.

"Luke and Jess just dropped her on me a few minutes ago," he explained helplessly. "They're going out for lunch with Steve and Sharon and won't be back for a few hours."

"And they gave you Danielle?"

Bucky threw him a disparaging look. "They gave us Danielle," he corrected.

Clint cringed. "Why us?"

"I have no idea." There were much better babysitter options than the two of them: Jessica Drew, Peter, Carol, Darcy, hell even Thor – they all loved the little kid, and probably knew a lot more about looking after her than Bucky and Clint did. That point was proven when Dani let out a small gurgle, and both assassins froze where they were.

"How long did they say they'd be?"

Bucky groaned inwardly. "They didn't."

"Right…"

Dani flapped her arms as she made another strange noise, and the two men shared a worried glance. "Think it's safe to put her on the table?"

Clint shrugged. "Well, she hasn't fallen through it."

"Could fall off it, though."

"She's not even moving, Buck." Dani chose that moment to rock onto her hands and knees, coming very close to the edge of the table and causing both of them to lunge for her in panic.

"No babies on tables," Bucky declared, standing up to hold her at arm's length. In a second her demeanour changed, and they watched as her face crumpled and she began to cry. "She's crying… Shit, what did I do?"

"I don't know, maybe you're holding her wrong?"

"How else am I supposed to hold her?"

"Uh… Perhaps she's just sad, then?"

"So I should make her laugh?"

"Yeah, pull a funny face."

Bucky gave Dani a wide, open-mouthed grin. He promptly switched it to a glare again a second later. "It's not you I'm trying to make laugh here, Clint."

"I'm sorry," Clint gasped from where he was doubled over.

"No you're not." He couldn't respond, and Bucky huffed. "Jess sometimes bounces her," he suggested, lightly mimicking the action as gently as he could but with little success. "Okay, not working…"

"Here, let me try something," Clint said, wiping his eyes and reaching for the baby. Once Bucky had passed her over, he settled her on his shoulder and patted her back. "Jess does this, too," he said. "I'm not sure what it does, but it seems to –" He paused as Dani let out a little burp. "Huh. Baby gas."

"That's it?" Bucky asked incredulously as Dani gurgled happily. "How were we supposed to know to do that?"

"Not sure we're supposed to," Clint said with a one-shouldered shrug.

"Great. So, what do we do with her now?"

"Play with her?" he suggested. "Did Luke and Jess give you any toys for her?"

"Uh, yep." Bucky bent down and hefted up a rather large hold-all.

Clint balked. "Jesus, all that for one kid?"

"Apparently."

"Alright then. Let's see what we got."

"Wait, where should we put her?"

They looked around for a few seconds before meeting each other's eyes. Clint was the one who voiced what they were both thinking: "She can't get hurt on the floor, right?" Ten minutes later they were proven wrong.

"I swear I've seen her crawl under Luke's coffee table, no problem," Bucky insisted, stroking Dani's head with his real hand softly as she wailed in his lap.

"Ours evidently isn't baby-friendly, then."

He looked down at her worriedly. "She's not stopping. Should we put ice on it?"

"No, just – here, give me that clown… thing." Clint waved the spread-eagled clown-thing in Dani's direction, making odd noises as he cooed her name. To their relief, she gradually stopped being upset and reached forward to pluck it out of his hands.

"Baby toys these days are weird," Bucky commented as she chewed its hat.

"Is this where you launch into one of your 'back in the day' spiels?" Clint joked. He was swatted at lazily. "I know what you mean, though. All I got when I was a kid was a slingshot and some spinning tops, maybe some toy cars. Perhaps a bear, too."

"I don't remember what I had. Becca had a few dolls. She used to try and braid their hair, and Mom made some clothes for them. She had a bear too, actually. Called it –" He stopped, blinking and ducking his head.

"What?" Clint pressed. "What did she call it?" He waited, eyes never leaving Bucky until the answer was muttered into Dani's head. "Say that again?"

"Bucky Bear," Bucky mumbled, looking anywhere but Clint.

The archer grinned slowly, wondering what was so embarrassing about having a teddy bear named after you. "That's a pretty high honour," he said quietly. Bucky snorted, but the look on his face said he was cherishing the memory.

Dani's stomach made a light rumble, and Clint and Bucky looked at each other. "Now that's a sound I recognise," Bucky said.

"Where's her food?" They rummaged around in the hold-all until they found a bag containing a jar with something mushy and yellow inside, a small spoon, and a plastic bib. "Oh, I know this part! This is where we make airplane noises," Clint said excitedly.

"Then I guess I'll leave it to you," Bucky grinned, settling back against the armchair again and fastening the bib around Dani's neck.

Clint nodded, unscrewing the jar and scooping up a small splodge of food. "Okay, Dani, open wide." He waved the spoon around in the air, making up an airplane soundtrack to go with it, but as he 'flew' the food closer Dani's mouth stayed firmly closed. When he tried to nudge it against her lips, she fussed and twisted her head away. "Are you sure she's hungry?"

Bucky shot him a pointed look when her stomach squealed again. "Maybe she needs to see someone else do it," he suggested.

Clint stared at him. "I am not eating the baby food."

"You need to eat the baby food."

"No way!"

"Come on, it's only – what, mashed-up bananas?"

"It's completely the wrong colour for banana!"

"That's what it says on the jar."

"No. I refuse."

"Clint –"

"I refuse!"

"So does Danielle, but she likes you. If she sees you do it –"

"Why can't you do it?"

"Because she can't see me."

"Yeah, but if we turn her around –"

"She's comfortable, leave her be!"

"What if she sees me feeding you?" The look Bucky shot him could have levelled a small building. Clint looked at the jar of baby food in his hand, pulling a face. "Why, Buck?" he whined.

"You're good with her, Clint. She'll do what you do."

With a resigned sigh, he filled the small spoon with a small amount of mush, frowning at it unhappily. "If this doesn't work, you're trying it next," he grumbled.

Bucky smirked. "Alright."

Clint swallowed. Glancing to make sure Dani was watching him, he stuck the spoon in his mouth and ate what was on it. "Oh –" Scrambling to his feet, he could hear both Bucky and Dani laughing at him as he half-ran to the kitchen, grabbing a carton of juice as quickly as he could and taking several long gulps to try and rid himself of the taste. Bananas? If that was bananas, he had pointy ears and long blonde hair. He slowly made his way back to the lounge area, surprised (and a little put-out) to see Bucky easily feeding Dani from behind, the jar of food placed just in front of him.

"You know, I think your airplane noises put her off," he said casually. Then he looked up, and a shit-eating grin split his face. "I really hope that look of disgust isn't permanent."

Clint rolled his eyes. "Next time, you get to try the strange substance."

"Noted," Bucky said as Clint re-joined them on the floor.

He watched them for a moment, taking in how relaxed Bucky now looked with the little girl held against him. He was using his real hand to feed her, the metal one loosely curled around her side to keep her in place, and Clint was amazed at how unreserved he was about touching her with it; normally, if they had someone new to meet, he kept it by his side or behind his back, anywhere but in front of him where that someone might touch it accidentally or stare at it for too long. Perhaps it was purely because Danielle was a baby and didn't know any better, but Clint was quietly thrilled that Bucky wasn't handing her over to him at every opportunity.

His happy thoughts were interrupted by a sudden, very distinct smell. Clint and Bucky had the same expression on their faces as they looked up at one another. "We're doing this one together," Bucky said flatly, and Clint had to agree.

"You ever seen Jess do this?" he asked later, when they had Dani on her changing mat on the table.

"Nope. You?"

"Never."

Dani squirmed, face the picture of perfect innocence as the two super spies above her frowned in confusion. "Well," Bucky said after a minute, "taking it off might be a good place to start."

It took them ten minutes, a lot of quiet cussing, and one accident with the talcum powder (accompanied with lots of loud cussing), but finally Dani was fresh and clean and that god-awful smell was gone. "Seriously," Clint muttered, "how does something that small stink that much?"

"Don't let Luke catch you saying that," Bucky chuckled. "You want to hold her for a bit?"

Thinking about it for a second, Clint shook his head. "Nah. The little poop-machine's all yours."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Besides, she's fine with you. Give her to someone else and she'll probably make that awful, screwed-up, 'I'm-gonna-start-crying' face."

Bucky smirked, but adjusted his hold on her minutely. "Think we can watch some TV for a bit?"

Clint raised his eyebrows. "Is 'Dog Cops' really suitable for kids?"

He frowned. "She wouldn't really understand it… Would she?"

"I don't think so. How smart is she?"

"She didn't understand the word 'food' earlier."

"And that means she'll be okay with 'Dog Cops'?" Clint deadpanned.

Bucky ran his free hand through his hair. "Look, we've already said every cuss word known to man in front of her. I doubt 'Dog Cops' will make that much more of an impression."

They decided to watch it anyway, and Clint piled all of her toys on the couch next to Bucky just to make sure she'd be distracted enough. Just as they hoped, Danielle seemed content to chew whichever toy she got her hands on, with Bucky occasionally picking one off the floor or handing her one she couldn't reach, and they soon tuned out her squeaks and gurgles – so much so, in Clint's case, that he didn't realise the gurgles had stopped until he asked Bucky about ordering Chinese again and got no reply; when he looked towards the couch, he felt his heart melt a little.

Danielle had fallen asleep in Bucky's lap, her thumb in her mouth and a small, stuffed elephant at his elbow. Her exhaustion must have rubbed off, because Bucky was also fast asleep, head resting on the back of the couch, metal hand resting protectively on Dani's back. She looked small beneath it, Clint thought, but seeing how peaceful she was – how peaceful they both were – he imagined that she just felt safe. Part of him wondered if he should wake Bucky up sooner rather than later, lest a nightmare do the job for him, but he resisted, and by the time Luke and Jessica returned he'd already given into temptation and taken a picture.

"Do we have to wake her up?" Luke moaned as Jess gently took her from Bucky.

"I know how you feel," Clint agreed. When Luke gave him a raised eyebrow, he gestured at a stretching Bucky. "That's the most relaxed I've seen him since I got back. Sleeping babies are a whole lot nicer than wailing babies."

Luke chuckled. "Yeah. Truth be told, I kinda like it when she's awake, too."

"Really?"

"Sure." He was wearing a slightly dopey expression, watching Bucky help Jess pack up his daughter's toys. "She smiles at me when she's awake. And man – don't tell nobody I said this – but I'd do anything for that smile."

"Thanks for helping us out guys," Jess said warmly. "She wasn't too much trouble, was she?"

Clint and Bucky exchanged a look. "I think we probably worried her more than she worried us," Clint admitted.

Jess grinned. "So no adoption on the horizon then?" she asked.

"Nope."

"Nuh-uh."

"Wouldn't work."

"Stress levels…"

"Being Captain America…"

"All those arrows…"

"Coffee table isn't…"

"Talcum powder…"

Luke and Jess stared at them for a moment before bursting into laughter. They soon calmed down, and made Dani wave 'bye-bye' at the two of them before heading off. Once they were gone, the two spies flopped onto the couch with a groan.

"How do they do it?" Clint asked, feeling Bucky shake his head.

"Not a clue."

"Thought we handled it pretty well," he said after a momentary silence.

"Yeah," Bucky agreed, tipping his head to look Clint in the eye. "Guess we did." Clint suddenly shifted, sitting up properly before cupping Bucky's jaw and kissing him deeply, leaving both of them breathless when they eventually pulled apart. "What was that for?" Bucky gasped, and he grinned.

"That's the first time we've done that today, and it's nearly dinner time," he explained. "Guess I'm making up for lost moments."

A smile spread slowly across Bucky's face. "Well in that case…"

Two minutes into their catching-up making-out, Clint's stomach rumbled loudly. "Sorry…"

Bucky huffed fondly. "Chinese, was it?"

"God, yes – anything that isn't mushy and claims to taste of bananas."


End file.
